i’ve not updated in a few days, mostly because of being rather busy in my mundane life – i.e. school, work, friendship. something fun was getting interviewed yesterday during two hours for tv; not about vampirism, but gender issues. the program will only air in autumn, and i’ll of course not be in it for two hours (i’ll be happy if i get five minutes), and it’s in french, but i’ll update when it’s on.
anyway, i wanted to write a bit about donoring today. actually, i want to write a lot about donoring, i want to write about how it feels, how it works, my relationships with my vampires (when i say “my” vampires i mean the vampires i donate to, i do not use the term possessively), and much more, but that would go massively beyond what i have time to write today. instead i’ll just talk about some unexpected experienced linked to donating psi.
as it is, it seems that i have some untrained talent in the area of energy work (working with the energy which i give during psi-donoring)*. i’ve been frankly a little surprised by this, in particular as i thought myself relatively untalented and originally didn’t intend to be a psi-donor at all. there have been several incidents which lead me to say this.
the first i can identify, and only retroactively, is an event in / v / (the chat associated with the vcmb) which happened earlier in the year. it is not very significant, and in itself wouldn’t mean much. a member was using the chat as a feeding-ground, using the chat to build links to others and then attack them. i was not properly aware of that going on, but i have a clear memory of an incident where i quite suddenly started visualising her as a very bouncy sprite-like creature battering me (a large and rather slow dragon**) – after i swiped her with my claws, she never bothered me again.
more recently, H (my little vampire friend) asked me if i was aware that i was force-feeding her. we do have a permanent connection (another thing which surprised me, but shouldn’t have), and in particular when we are interacting otherwise the link gets quite strong. i was aware that there was some energy flowing through there even when she wasn’t actively feeding, but i was assuming that she was just sipping a bit when she felt like – something which i really wouldn’t begrudge her, i have offered that she may feed whenever she needs, and i felt pleased that she was comfortable in our relationship to do so. as it is, she wasn’t taking anything; i was actively passing my energy over to her. i’d heard of other donors doing that consciously, but hadn’t imagined that i could do it.
in the most recent incident i learned that apparently i’m quite capable of creating such a connection as exists between H and me by myself, through which a vamp can feed. it again happened in / v /; a vampire had annoyed me, and i lashed out towards him with claws. now this vamp says that he’s quite untalented at energy work and wouldn’t know how to create such a link at distance, which i am inclined to accept as truth. yet, after i had tried to attack*** him in that way i started to feel a considerable pull of somebody trying to feed, and needed to mount quite a substantial defensive effort.
so yeah, i find myself with some talent, even though i’ve never been trained in any of this. i am not totally surprised, but i certainly didn’t expect things to work this easily. i honestly do not intend to sound prideful, i just wish to relate my experience.
*do what you wish with the concept of energy work, psi-feeding, all that. for now, i am accepting it as a narrative which fits with what i’m experiencing.
**i will need to talk about this thing with dragons at some length at a later date.
***note to self: that’s actually something i need to guard against. it is apparent that the games in / v / can become rather more real than expected, and i do not want to accidentally hurt anybody.