Archive for February, 2009

two conversations

i wanted to post this earlier, as these conversations occurred last sunday. i had two conversations about being a donor. the first was face to face with my best rl friend O. the second, a bit later and online with my other best friend, W.

talking with O is like having a long session with a very good therapist. he challenges me in the very best of ways to think about what i’m saying, what i’m feeling underneath it, and why i’m feeling that way. except that instead of sitting in some office or something we’re having tea, full meals, and often sleep-overs. the big question i had to work out with him was just how crazy i have become (or if i have become crazy). he turned the question around on me, asking why i am so worried about having gone crazy.

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okay, this post has nothing to do with vampirism. but it was a heavy experience, and i want to include it anyway, as this is kind of also a diary.

last night i had what was probably a migraine, and if so, it was my first ever. it started with a spot in the centre of my vision (but just the left eye) which got kind of sparkly and shivering and in which i couldn’t see anymore (apparently a scintillating scotoma), which then developed into a full migraine aura. i was at my trans support group, and recognising the symptoms (both my mother and my best friend suffer from bad migraines) asked if anybody had an aspirin or such so that i could prevent the pain i was expecting.

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a dream

this is a dream i had some time ago. i reckon that i dreamt it some time after i had started learning about real vampirism, but it was definitely a while before i started seeking out vampires. i have often dreamt about vampires, i present this specific dream because it was the most beautiful i can remember.

at the opening of this dream i am in a large room. it is black, the floor, the ceilings, the walls. there is a low light (in my memory i paint in tall white candles as a source of this light). i am sitting on a pedestal in in the centre of the room, my legs folded under me sideways, my arms demurely in my lap. i am wearing a long black robe which leaves me bare from my breasts up, and i have my hair tied up, exposing my slender neck. my pale skin seems to glow white in the dark.

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