writing fiction

just a short post, because i don’t want to leave this blog without updates, but i developed a headache this evening and am not up for a major post.

i’m working on a story. i’ve never written much fiction, and the last i did was years ago, so i’m a bit apprehensive about it. i’ve shown parts of it to H, who liked it, though of course it’s still only a very incomplete draft. it is – appropriately – about vampires and donors. we have many accounts, be they fictional or factual, about how vampires feel. we know quite well how they feel when they feed, when they can’t feed, there are many accounts of how they feel about themselves, about what they are. but there are very few accounts of what it feels like for us swans.

of course, what it is like for donors is what this whole blog is about. but i’ve not yet found myself quite able to write directly about how feeding feels like for me. so i’m hoping that by rendering it in fiction i can get past that barrier. you will certainly hear more about this little project when it’s further advanced.

H is the only vampire i’m actually actively donating to. last night as we were talking i was feeding (no pun intended) her the story more or less paragraph by paragraph as i wrote it. and at some point i knew that she needed to feed, that she needed to feed badly. and i needed to give. she was very hesitant though, worried about losing control, about hurting me. and she did feed more deeply than any time before. afterwards i felt a wonderful deep relaxation through my whole body, and i felt utterly at peace. i just wish that she could feel that same peace which i do, that i could share that with her. and that is, i think, also why i’m working on this story.

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