intermission – a story

i’ve mentioned before that i was working on a story, a short work of fiction. i’ve completed a first full draft, have had it proof-read, edited it a bit more, and now i can proudly present you:


(click the link above, or get to it from the sidebar). please peruse it, and i would welcome comments and feedback. despite it being primarily a work of fiction, and enjoyable to write as such, i also had some ulterior motives. read the story first, and then see beneath the cut for my thoughts on it.

if you’ve read the story, then it should be obvious that it is about a vampire. yes, i’m obsessed. but the first character, the “you” character, who opens and closes the story, is not a vampire but a donor. a central element is also that the word “vampire” is never mentioned, the vampire doesn’t identify as such and the donor doesn’t identify her as one either.

the reasons for making the donor the first character are quite simple. for one it works with the story, fits into the frame, makes sense. the other is that throughout the vampire community donors tend to be underrepresented. in some places we’re practically invisible, where there are spaces for us we’re often marginal, even a place like blackswanhaven, created specifically to give donors a space and a voice, probably has as many vamps as donors.

it’s even worse in the media. the ninety minute documentary in which i first heard about real vampires talked about donors for no more than five minutes, if that. in a recent fairly competent article (true true blood) the author talks at length with the vampires, allows them to develop a real voice. donors, though mentioned throughout the article, never once get to speak for themselves. so this story, though it’s designed to be attractive to vamps and hopefully a nice read for anybody, specifically tries to convey the feelings of the donor.

while we’re on the subject, it was much more difficult to write the donor scenes than the vampire scenes. i’m not saying that vampires are less complex than us donors, but the feelings experienced during feeding are ecstatic, orgasmic, quite straightforward to describe (not to mention that they’ve been described hundreds if not thousands of times by vampires and authors). describing the feelings of the donor, if i did not want to slip into some BDSM-style ecstasy-through-pain concept, had to be more refined, more subtle (admittedly there are facets of BDSM in there). i had to dig rather deep in my own feelings to be able to write that, and honestly am not really comfortable nor satisfied with it.

i purposely never used the word vampire in the story. neither the vampire nor the donor know what they are doing, what is driving them. because they do not have the word vampire they can not call upon the vast cultural references which we have about what vampires are, how they behave, how they’re supposed to behave. that is made stronger because the story is set just post WWI, during the spanish flu (which killed an estimated 50 to 100 million people in two years), though i never make that explicit (and there are certainly tons of anachronisms).

it follows that the vampire has no identity as such to refer to, she has no positive ways of dealing with her need, she has no way to understand herself but as a monster, a demon. nor does she have much experience with feeding (the donor has none at all), she has fed two, maybe three times before, there is no normalcy to what she does, it has always been violent, a moment when all rules are broken. she has never had a willing donor before, she has never experienced herself during feeding other than as a monster.

and yes, this feeding is violent. though the donor gives herself willingly, the method is possibly the most brutal and painful which exists outside of BDSM. nor is the lead up to the feeding less violent, there is no communication, only the most minimal negotiation, there are no safety-nets, no security. the donor gives herself on pure trust.

    • cynsanity
    • April 20th, 2009

    I LOVE it.

    • ClayCat
    • July 4th, 2009

    Nice and visceral. But MUST you protray the crowd as such herd animals? *snickering*

  1. July 13th, 2009

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