what it feels like

recently i wrote here that being fed on feels good for me. i stand entirely by that statement, but want to elaborate. the only slight difficulty is with words, i don’t know what words to use to accurately describe the sensations i experience. from what i’ve read and talked about with other donors, i get very strong – not to say extreme – reactions. this is therefore not exactly a normal experience.

before feeding, if it’s been more than a day or two, i feel very agitated. this is a physical feeling, but also emotional, and my concentration is shot to hell. i get brusk, even agressive. after three or four days i’ll go on the prowl looking for vampires i might donate to. i no longer want to give myself to just anybody (at least i’ve learned some self-respect), and with an inexperienced vampire it’s usually just not worth the hassle anyway. usually i’ll be on the lookout for one of my regular energy vamps.

i’m going to put the whole description of what the feeding feels like below the cut, as it’s a long post.

first we’ll chat for a time. this can be just a few minutes, or several hours. they might not want to feed right then, or not be in a location where it’s feasible. when talk turns to feeding my energy starts moving more rapidly. i feel* it like sparkly, staticy waves moving through me, breaking against the heart chakra. it is both pleasant and unpleasant.

often i start sending before the vamp has started pulling. but when the vamp starts pulling it is like a shock through my system. it makes me gasp, or sometimes just stop breathing for a few seconds. the energy which was moving in waves becomes a continuous pressure which slowly lightens. during this part the vamp is just taking outer energy, not touching at the core. if the vamp stops after that i am basically immediately ok. i can concentrate fully, am less stressed, emotionally stable. if i need to be at the top of my form afterward, this is perfect. a few hours later i’d be able to donate again.

but that is only a light feed. if the vamp goes on, for a deep feed (there’s one that just ignored the outer layers and went straight for the core), then it becomes much more intense. this is energy from my inner being. i very clearly feel this being pulled out of me, but i really don’t know how to describe it. my breathing gets ragged, sometimes panting, sometimes gasping, very uneven. i start losing sensation in my extremities, my hands, feet, legs, arms become numb. my sight starts going dark, like when you’re starting to faint. i love this part of it. at the end of this, i’m exhausted, about to collapse, almost non-verbal, and really just want to hold on to somebody.

only rarely does a vamp go further than this. i don’t know where in me they find any more energy to feed on. the closest i can come to explaining what goes on is that it feels like, once i’m emptied, i open up and become a conduit, a channel through which external energy flows to the vampire. but that’s really just guesswork, because when it happens i have little to no capacity for analysing what’s going on. instead i’m shaking, shivering, twitching, convulsing, writhing, spasming. my breathing goes utterly haywire. if anybody were to see me in that state i wouldn’t be surprised if they called a doctor or emergency services. i can feel the pull from the vampire, and somehow i manage to give energy there.

this last stage feels incredible. it’s almost too much to deal with. at the same time there’s a kind of lucidity in there, a small calm kernel, in which i know that i could ask the vamp to stop, but in which i also know that i can take it, and that i don’t want to stop feeding the vampire. and i want to know where this might go, if there is anything beyond this.

i feel it immediately when the vampire stops feeding. yet it still takes some time before i stop shaking and twitching, before i can breathe regularly, before my mind stops reeling. i don’t know how long it takes, because i’m way beyond being able to think about time. sometimes i cry a little, just because it was so much stronger than anything else i’ve experienced. at this time i really really don’t want to be left alone. i really need somebody to be there and hold me and tell me that i’m not alone, even if it’s just virtually.**

once that’s over i enter a deep calm state. i’m very much at peace with the world, with myself. i’ve had very nice conversations. sometimes i write. best is if the vamp sticks around and we can just chat and do nothing. this is a wonderful condition.

later i become ravenous and incredibly thirsty. early on i found myself waking up from deep sleep because i was so thirsty. now i try to not go to bed after donating without having drunken a good amount. and of course without having eaten something.

like i said before, this is my personal experience of what it’s like to donate to a vampire. and of course this is a feeding by a psi-vamp. like i said, this is a fairly strong experience of being fed from. if you are thinking about becoming a donor i can make no promises that it will be even remotely like this. but this is how i experience it, and part of why i like being a donor.

*others “see” or “visualise” energy. i’ve only had limited succes with visualisation methods. i “feel” energy as a physical sensation.

**clue for any vampires who are reading this: if you take just a bit of surface energy, it doesn’t matter. if you feed deeply, do not hit and run. your donor needs some kind of aftercare.

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    • Jacob
    • December 16th, 2009

    Hi again, I was always wondering about the psy-vamp side of things, and after reading this, I’m pretty sure that I’m not ready for it.

    I am a very stable person, but I’m really susceptible to those feelings of a ‘need’ to be with someone, I have always been, and have know, far before I took on my first vampire as I get similar feelings if I drink far too much alcohol. I know I can be very frail in those times, and I figured it would be similar from an experience as intense and personal as a psy-feeding, Thank you for sharing your experiences, They confirmed what I assumed, and have helped me decide resolutely to wait before allowing such a thing.

    :] Thanks.

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