betrayed by my body

i have a whole series of new posts lined up in my head, as i have now had the experience of donating to a sang vampire. however, all the thoughts and ideas of these recent experiences are all still in a muddle. look forward to posts appearing by and by over the next couple of weeks as i order my posts, re-examine old things i’ve written, and possibly come up with fresh inspiration.

but this first one is quite simple, so i’ll write about it now. in one of the feeding sessions the vamp wanted to use the kind of bloodletting kit used for actual medical blood-donations, i.e. a needle with a plastic tube on the end, leading to a plastic bag to contain the blood (except without the plastic bag at the recepient, that end of the tube goes directly into the vampire’s mouth). they was also hoping to make some blood ice-cubes for storing.

i readily agreed, the advantages are after all quite obvious. lots of blood, no scars, and possibly leaving some behind for the vamp for when i couldn’t be there (because, hey, i care about my vamps, otherwise i wouldn’t do this).

and then it kind of goes crooked. first sign, i think, was that my veins wouldn’t show up properly even with a tourniquet and all. then when we did find a vein, we didn’t get the needle properly into it at first. it was quite weird, because i could actually feel when the tip of the needle slipped off from the vein. on the second try it went in, and blood flowed (i would like to say “rushed”, but that would be an exaggeration) into the tube, and the vamp started drinking.

again it was quite awesome, in the other sang donations i’ve not been able to see the vampire’s face well while they were feeding. it was like all the muscles in their face went into a calm happy relaxed state, while they concentrated on the blood. but then, much too soon, something went wrong. something felt wrong with the needle, something looked wrong on the vampire’s face… i had essentially just stopped bleeding.

a few more drops seeped out (which the vampire of course licked up), and even that was crazyly little considering how huge those needles are. and that was it. my body refused to bleed. my body wouldn’t let me help the vampire i cared for. they said that it was not the first time that had happened, and that it was okay. but i was (and am still, to a degree) quite distraught.

of all the things i had considered which might go wrong during donating, this is the one i had never examined. that my body might just not be able too. i’ve not always had the best of relationships with my body. but never before had it felt quite as much like an active betrayal.

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