commitment – reply to a comment

i got a comment today on one of my earliest posts, “why do we do this?“. as i was replying, i realised that this was turning into a proper post, and decided to reply here instead. here is Shelley’s comment:

I have been searching within myself & trying to read up on donating. I haven’t quite figured out what my motivation for it would be. I feel like I would be some of each category you described but I think I lean towards the fetishistic. Although it would feel sexual, I wouldn’t necessarily need there to be sexual acts involved. I don’t have the need to be dominated but it would naturally feel dominating to be fed from. The experience may also feel mothering as if I would be taking care of the vampire. I am still searching my commitment level as I think that would be fair to be commited to the vampire. Do you know of anything I can read to help me understand what would be involved over the long haul? Or any advice you could give me?

hi Shelley, and thank you for your comment.

to start at the end, i don’t really know any specific texts to recommend, there’s quite a few texts for beginners out there, but not that much in regards to the long term. my best recommendation would be to join forums such as or the first is run by and for donors, the second is (in my opinion) one of the best vampire forums around. in both you will get to talk with vamps and donors, some of whom have been around for a decade and more.

one of the important things to know, but you’d see that soon enough, is that many vamps – in particular sangs – have had hard lives, and are marked by that. it is not just that many of them find it hard to deal with having to hurt others for their need, or with the taboos surrounding drinking blood. it’s also the experience of growing up “different” which many of them share. the commitment i made isn’t just to be my vampire’s donor, but also to be a support in their life. a black swan isn’t just a donor, but also an ally, a supporter of vampires.

as to your motivation for donating, i think you are doing well in being honest to yourself about why you want to donate, and that will be appreciated by any vampire whom you chose to approach. when i wrote the original post half a year ago i was still very unclear on how any sexual aspects of donating might work for me, and was quite wary of the whole potential link between sexuality and vampirism. in the meantime i’m less worried about that. there are plenty of vampires who are into bdsm, and that is okay. but i find that the simple direct intimacy of being fed from is wonderful in itself.

i hope that helps a bit, and that you don’t mind your comment being brought to the front like this.

    • NeonLightning
    • November 9th, 2009

    i must say that your writings are actually comforting to me as a vampire i’ve only recently been able to agree i was a sang i’ve known i had some sort of craving and addiction to blood since i was around 10(i’m now 23) and have had very few donors, those that i have had didn’t really know what was what and were mostly just into playing with blood so i suppose i used them. so its been a rough road for me. but its nice to see that people exist not just in movies and books as actual donors and arn’t just fetishist.

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