Archive for the ‘ non-vampiric ’ Category

i was on TV!

Ok, so this is rather random, but i want to post it anyway. You remember how i said we played V:tM at the WGT? There was a guy with a camera there. I didn’t think about it much, but it turns out he was making a report for the MDR, a german tv-station.

Here’s the clip (link doesn’t work anymore, sorry), sorry it’s in german. I’m the crazy chick at 1:12, with red hair and yellow eyes.

</shameless self-promotion>

p.s. the promised posts are coming soon.


slave donors reprise: not like this

third post in 24 hours! though actually, this one is less fun. because just as i write about slave donors, we get the news that some guy from [1] has had a warrant for an arrest issued against him for “electronic solicitation of children”. the news has been pushed to the vampire community by the folks at the AVA, who do a good job in keeping us alerted to current events which impact the community. you can read the full news articles on their forum.

usually i would disregard such news items. not that child abuse isn’t a horrible crime which needs to be taken very seriously. not that the victims of child abuse don’t suffer deeply and deserve all our support. but child abuse is pandemic. at least 1 in 5 children suffers some kind of sexual aggression before they reach the age of 16. sexual abuse of children happens everywhere, in all societies, all cultures, all religions. and don’t forget the reverse: if so many children suffer abuse, then there are just as many abusers. think of that next time you chat with your colleagues at work, or with your mates in the bar, or the fellows with which you do sports. it’s a harsh reality.

but each time the media takes an event such as this and created a scandal around it they are helping us forget that it is something which happens every day all around us. no, they happen in catholic boarding schools or in scary goth internet fora. the perpetrators are priests (who quite consciously are “other”, and therefore never quite trustworthy for the simple mind) or self-proclaimed vampires (and how could they be anything but monsters). the media makes us believe that child abuse is something special, which only happens to others, when in reality it is happening all around us. sometimes i get very angry about this.

it is even worse when the media, like both the articles linked above, drag up and lay out all the sordid details in search of a higher readership. very soon this sinks into pure voyeurism, readers getting their fix of righteous outrage on the back of the suffering of others.

so what did actually happen here? as far as can be seen from the articles there was no force involved, no threats, no violence. to put it a little extremely, it was simply a relationship which developed from vanilla into an online master/slave relationship. the only thing which doesn’t work is that the girl is too young.

in BDSM one of the few universal rules is that all participants must give fully informed consent. there are edge-cases to this, of course, such as in consensual non-consent or when subs agree to play without safewords. but even then the partners don’t enter into that kind of relationship without understanding what this involves. fully informed consent is one of the very few absolute hard limits i play by.

the other edge-case for fully informed consent is whether the participant are able to give such consent. somebody who is not mature enough is not capable of understanding this kind of relationship and it’s implications, and is therefore not capable of giving informed consent to it. this is why we have legal age limits. some youngsters grow up alarmingly fast, but many don’t. so all are by default protected. and in a master/slave relationship being capable of understanding the implications at the time that consent is given is even more important, because being in such a relationship does weird things to your brain.

i do not mean to minimise the severity of the perpetrators deeds. fully informed consent is such a big thing exactly because the kind of power dynamic established in a master/slave relationship can very easily lead the slave to do things which they would not have agreed to do without that power dynamic. and a fifteen year old girl can not give such consent, even if she were mentally and emotionally mature enough to understand what she was consenting to. this has to be a hard limit.

nevertheless, the news lies not in that it happened. the elements which made this case news-worthy were that the perpetrator frequents a goth/metal forum, that he dresses himself in the allure of the vampire, that he is overseas (and not just overseas, but in such a remote location as the shetland isles), that he lives with his parents. the scandal is that people who read this story get to blame it all on strange people, on vampires, on people who live far away, they get to blame everything on the other, thereby becoming that little bit more blind to the abuse which is happening all around them.

what this whole post isn’t about is vampires, or donors, or bdsm, or master/slave relationships, or vampire/donor relationships, or even vampire/slave-donor relationships.

[1] is only peripherally linked to the vampire community. a few real vampires can be found there, as there is some overlap between the communities. but it is mainly a social network catering to the goth lifestyle, fashion, and music. nothing in the articles indicates that the perpetrator actually identifies as a vampire.

first result in google

yes, this blog has finally reached the top spot in google! though unfortunately not for an obvious search which many people would make. but searching for “vampire top of the food chain” (without the quotes) will give you a link to my recent musings about not being top of the food chain any longer.

randomly, this is also the fiftieth search term which has led people to my blog. in total 59 views are recorded as having been referenced from search engines. most of the searches are actually relevant to vampirism, though there’s several which reference “top of the food chain” and one or two other extraneous ones.

the most common searches reference the VVC, next come searches combining vampire and donor or swan in some way. Laycock got several hits too, as did real vampire (i climbed to twelfth result in google for that, but dropped down again, unsurprisingly).

what puzzles me is how deep people seem to be searching. okay, i don’t know what search-engines people are using, but in most cases google will be a good bet. i always plug search terms into google, just to see what i get, but often i’ll only appear way down in the results, somewhere between the fifth and tenth page (i rarely dig deeper than that). when i search for/by myself, i almost never go beyond the second or third page.

but yeah. today was the first time i got first result in google for a search which led somebody here, and i thought that was worth a little celebratory post. and that will be all with the navel-gazing for now.

top of the food-chain

this is perhaps a slightly whimsical post, but bear with me. i do not know if it has deeper meaning, but it might give you something to muse over.

it occurred to me tonight that i have willingly relinquished my spot at the top of the food-chain. humans are, for the most part, the undisputed top of the local food-chain. there are very few creatures which eat humans, and humans eat pretty much everything. furthermore, if something does actually eat a human, it will be hunted down systematically. we had a bit of a discussion on whether humans would still be the planetary apex predator without technology, and while i agree the position wouldn’t be as clear-cut as it is now, there would still be very few other animals capable of hunting humans.

and here i am, and have given up this spot in not one, but two distinct ways. i went vegetarian a long time ago – if i’ve worked it out right it was over 13 years ago – and early this year i went vegan. in other words, i am no longer a predator, i live exclusively from plants, from the primary producers. in contrast, apex predators on land live off of herbivores, who live from primary producer; they are two levels removed from the primary producers. apex predators at sea are usually many levels further removed from primary producers.* even whales, whom we are often told are exceptional because they feed at the bottom of the food-chain, are actually second- and third-level predators. but i digress. i have made myself, through choice and conviction, a herbivore.

the second characteristic of an apex predator is that it isn’t usually eaten by anything else.** while this might apply for whales,*** who are apex predators at a much lower degree of separation from the primary producers than other marine apex predators, it doesn’t apply to me. because, and this is where this post finally connects to the subject of this blog, i’ve gone and made myself prey. i am food, and not just to the insects and bacteria and fungi and so on which will feed on my decomposing body.**** i am (willing) prey to the actual apex predators on land: vampires!

and actually, while thinking on this, i realised that we might just have a possible cause for the wide-spread taboo on cannibalism. humans tend to see themselves as superior to pretty much everything else around. and if anybody comes along and starts eating them, it implies that they’re inferior (at least in simple human minds it might). and they have a real inferiority complex to deal with. which is probably why they come up with ideas like transforming all predators to herbivores.*****

*the marine food-chain is a lot more complex than the one on land, and almost everything large enough to be seen by the naked eye is a predator.

**well, besides the whole complex and multilayered series of organisms which decompose everything back into primal mulch; there’s a word for them, but i forget. all the billions of billions of creatures riding the last bit of the wave as it dies on the beach.

***with the exception of the occasional baby taken by a pod of orcas, or a beluga taken by a polar bear; but i did say “usually”.

****which will probably feed on my decomposing body. in an ideal world, my body would be eaten as food after i’m dead. lots of good meat on there!

*****not directly related, but came up in a concurrent discussion, and it was too funny to miss.


hey, just a quickie because i know it’s been a whole week since i updated, and i don’t really want to leave you hanging like that.

i’ve had a few tricky days in the last week, in particular centred around school and classes. it seems to be all working out now, thanks to a very good friend who basically saved my ass (sorry for the vulgar language). but it was really destroying me, so much that random people asked if i was doing okay. i’m back on more solid ground now, it feels like that at least, and doing better.

on a funny note, on monday evening, the day i was feeling worst, my therapist called. i haven’t seen nor spoken with her for about half a year, so when she asked how i was doing and if i wanted a session i thought it was remarkably apposite. i’m seeing her tomorrow afternoon.

i’ve also been working on another permanent page about safety matters, which seems to be growing quite substantial. you’ll see that when it’s ready.

and that’s pretty much it for just now, look forward to new posts soon.


okay, this post has nothing to do with vampirism. but it was a heavy experience, and i want to include it anyway, as this is kind of also a diary.

last night i had what was probably a migraine, and if so, it was my first ever. it started with a spot in the centre of my vision (but just the left eye) which got kind of sparkly and shivering and in which i couldn’t see anymore (apparently a scintillating scotoma), which then developed into a full migraine aura. i was at my trans support group, and recognising the symptoms (both my mother and my best friend suffer from bad migraines) asked if anybody had an aspirin or such so that i could prevent the pain i was expecting.

Continue reading